Well, it's a year today since my surgery. It's great to be not staring down the barrel of an operation at this time of year, heading into christmas and summer with my family knowing that this year it will be enjoyable. And, I can participate in all the activities!
So, the year could be divided up into physical health, university, family and relationships.
Physical health is the big factor that drove how all the other areas were. Don't underestimate the impact that surgery has on all these areas, because there is a big difference between thinking and believing you are up to something and actually being able to manage it. I had a lot of help up until a few weeks ago with housework and things. I could still probably do with some, but I am now managing. The help was to enable me to get on with some of the university and rehabilitation stuff that I priorotised. I have had periods this year when I have been totally pain free. And other times where I have been pain-full. But, the pain free times have given me hope that I will have longer and longer periods where I am not too sore. The pain that I have had recently has been from doing too much, and taking a student placement job which was on the other side of town. So, 2 hours a day travel on top of a full day 'up' had been quite taxing.
I feel ready to heal in a holistic sense now, I have had a really big year with my physical health as well as my mum having a recurrance of cancer which she is recovering ok from. I feel like all the physical stuff has taken a toll on me emotionally, and that in turn is feeding back into my ability to recover. I had some accupuncture yesterday which was quite helpful.
University has been good, although I am a bit further behind than I would like to be. On the other hand, there are others who haven't had the obstacles I have had this year and are in a similar position to me. So I'm not being too hard on myself. Next year is an internship so I have taken one close to home to enable me to have a better work life balance. So, I picked a good job but one that is really based on my health rather than the actual job itself. The things there that will keep me healthy are that they finish on time every day, and I have my own office where I can lie down for a break if I need to, and also I don't have to travel too far so I can go to the gym on the way to or from work.
Personal life, well I got engaged this year, so that was great! My fiance is an amazing support to me, and he has given me so much of himself this year in helping me to recover. The impact that all this must have had on him is something that I shouldn't forget. He was wonderful when I was recovering, and did things that no boyfriend should have to do!
Friends and family wise, that was where the biggest surprises came from. People who I didn't anticipate supporting me did, and people that I thought would be there for me weren't at all. The biggest hurts came from people who I thought I could rely on not visiting me, not understanding, and not helping. My mother in law gave me loads of support with housework, and she is the person who helped me the most throughout the year. I also made new friends, and decided to put effort into older friends who I could tell were worth the effort.
Overall, I am glad I had the surgery. I didn't expect perfection going in to it, I was happy with a reduction in pain and no more progression. I think I got that, my surgeon discharged me for the first time ever! I grew, physically and probably emotionally. I learned a lot about looking after my own interests a bit more, and not investing time in people who don't value me and instead giving my energy to people who reciprocated when I needed it most. Going into the surgery was one of the scaryest things that I have had to do, and one of those things that you have to do and have a choice, but at the same time you don't. What I would really like now is time to recoup, and recover fully. I'm taking a 3 week holiday on the yacht, cruising around the Bay of Islands, New Zealand... google it and see if I make you envious! I am thrilled to be able to enjoy the NZ summer this year, and not spend it in a lazyboy!
Thanks for listening to my reflections, I hope that I can offer hope to those of you who are going through surgery and recovery. My number one piece of advice is to not be too hard on yourself, priorotise rehabilitation and recovery and the rest of the world (work, studies) can wait. You only get one shot at it (recovery), so make it count.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
More on September
i've been having a good month really for reflecting back on how I used to be, compared to now. On Saturday I went for an 8km walk, and while I was totally wiped out tired afterwards, I was hardly sore! I had some drugs as more of an "i'm uncomfortable let's take something", but the next day I was feeling energetic and back to normal. Monday I went to the gym and had a good workout, Tuesday a 5km walk, Wed 3km, today a personal training session at the gym that wore me out, but I feel good. I'm not sore! I can't believe it. I"m getting so much less pain than even a month ago, which is great cos it means I'm still improving. I'm noticing tiredness this month more than anything, but maybe it's because I"m able to do so much more that I am wearing myself out in positive ways. Either way, I feel positive, and the best I've felt in a long time.
In the spirit of doing more activities, I'm trying to do the Waitakere walks again now that the weather has picked up and sun is shining. For those of you who are not local, the Waitakere's are a hill range that is all bush, and has a lot of nice tracks running through.The hilly country makes for some challenging walks which are great for building fitness.
If I could just have the energy that I feel inside, so that I could do more!
Summer is approaching, which is so exciting because I can participate in it this year, instead of sitting in a lazyboy chair feeling sorry for myself while everyone else was out having fun and forgot about me. Boo Hoo.
In the spirit of doing more activities, I'm trying to do the Waitakere walks again now that the weather has picked up and sun is shining. For those of you who are not local, the Waitakere's are a hill range that is all bush, and has a lot of nice tracks running through.The hilly country makes for some challenging walks which are great for building fitness.
If I could just have the energy that I feel inside, so that I could do more!
Summer is approaching, which is so exciting because I can participate in it this year, instead of sitting in a lazyboy chair feeling sorry for myself while everyone else was out having fun and forgot about me. Boo Hoo.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Nine Months!
Well, it's hard to believe it's the month of my birthday already, and therefore nine months after my surgery. I really feel like it was only just the other week that I had my surgery, even though I have come so far. I guess it's great that time flies, but I also know it has really been a drag.
Where am I at now... well, I'm doing well at the gym, am building muscle and am having a lot less pain I think because of those efforts. I still get pain, but it is nowhere near what it was. I went to Rotorua last weekend and went for a one hour horse trek, nothing more than a meander on horseback, but I loved it. I actually struggled not to cry I was so happy to be back on a horse. I had a spa afterwards just in case, but I was good. The way home in the car was the worst part, because driving all the way back to Auckland on bumpy roads was relentless, and once I got sore it escalated.
At uni I am managing much better, although that seems to have ups and downs because I still am not working full-time, but close to. I have to remember not to be too hard on myself and just do what I can. I had my doctoral confirmation, which is a 25min presentation on my research, and then a discussion with an academic panel afterwards. I passed, and went home and lay on the couch totally worn out, and didn't get up for the next few hours, only to go to bed. I did the same today after driving to Hamilton and back in a day to see a friend. So things like that, do tend to wear me out. It's cool though that I'm getting wiped out by tiredness, and not so much pain.
Today was really fun, Glenis (mother in law) came over and did my garden, it's a job I'd love to get stuck in and do, but can't... She cleared all the weeds out of my vegi patch, while I ordered some more seeds online to replenish the parts that have been pillaged. I am getting really frustrated that I can't do a lot of things that I would like to do, like digging holes in the garden, a full day of tidying, etc... I would love to be a normal 27 year old, but I guess I can settle for being the best I can, cos that's still reasonably intact!
Bryan and I are now getting married, which is so great. You can see on the older blogs just how much he has done for me while I was recovering. We have always had a really strong relationship, but it has brought us even closer and made me even more willing to support him when he needs it, and look out for him.
So all up, 9 months is a good place to be. I am still improving, so that is positive in itself. I hope that I continue to improve and end up super-bionic woman :)
Where am I at now... well, I'm doing well at the gym, am building muscle and am having a lot less pain I think because of those efforts. I still get pain, but it is nowhere near what it was. I went to Rotorua last weekend and went for a one hour horse trek, nothing more than a meander on horseback, but I loved it. I actually struggled not to cry I was so happy to be back on a horse. I had a spa afterwards just in case, but I was good. The way home in the car was the worst part, because driving all the way back to Auckland on bumpy roads was relentless, and once I got sore it escalated.
At uni I am managing much better, although that seems to have ups and downs because I still am not working full-time, but close to. I have to remember not to be too hard on myself and just do what I can. I had my doctoral confirmation, which is a 25min presentation on my research, and then a discussion with an academic panel afterwards. I passed, and went home and lay on the couch totally worn out, and didn't get up for the next few hours, only to go to bed. I did the same today after driving to Hamilton and back in a day to see a friend. So things like that, do tend to wear me out. It's cool though that I'm getting wiped out by tiredness, and not so much pain.
Today was really fun, Glenis (mother in law) came over and did my garden, it's a job I'd love to get stuck in and do, but can't... She cleared all the weeds out of my vegi patch, while I ordered some more seeds online to replenish the parts that have been pillaged. I am getting really frustrated that I can't do a lot of things that I would like to do, like digging holes in the garden, a full day of tidying, etc... I would love to be a normal 27 year old, but I guess I can settle for being the best I can, cos that's still reasonably intact!
Bryan and I are now getting married, which is so great. You can see on the older blogs just how much he has done for me while I was recovering. We have always had a really strong relationship, but it has brought us even closer and made me even more willing to support him when he needs it, and look out for him.
So all up, 9 months is a good place to be. I am still improving, so that is positive in itself. I hope that I continue to improve and end up super-bionic woman :)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Seven Months and counting
After a while away from blogging, I've decided to come back to it in case there are some folks out there reading this. I'm mostly thinking about the scoliosis forum people, as I think most of my friends can see my progress and don't visit the blog. Feel free to leave comments, that might help motivate me to update my blog more often.
I've been to my surgeon for my 6 month check up, and he has almost discharged me. The only reason he didn't was because I was stunned that I wouldn't need to be seeing him on a regular basis like I have since I was a teenager. I guess that is because I had a really bad looking x-ray that was getting worse each time I saw him. Now, I have a good looking x-ray (in perspective with the old ones), and am hoping it stays that way.
I've hired a personal trainer at the gym to help rehabilitate me and keep me motivated to go. I know it's not great to need someone else to keep you motivated, but it really helps get you there if you know you'll look lazy if you haven't been more than a couple of times in a fortnight. It's also great to have someone that sees you at the gym and asks how you are going. I don't like to dwell on things, but it is nice to have it acknowledged that it is hard to exercise when you are in pain, so it's not just about getting my act together to go. The good news is that I don't have many days where the pain is debilitating anymore like before my surgery. When I have a bad day now, I can tolerate the pain (usually).
I still have to modify activity and am nowhere near normal, but am so much closer than I have been for years. I love going out in the evenings now, and it seems like I don't have to come home early like I used to because of pain. Ok, so that is still happening some times, but not as badly or as often as it used to. I haven't been to physio for a long time!
My university work is going ok, I have definitly been set back by my surgery and the associated pain and problems both pre and post op, but I am doing my best. I do feel like I have had a run of bad luck, my mum had a relapse of cancer which was super stressful. But I am determined not to crash and burn, even though the urge to pack up my books and take a job at the supermarket sometimes seems like the easier option.
I am also hugely grateful for the support I have had from some of my friends and family over the last year or so. I realise that some people are better at this than others, for whatever reason, but it has meant the world to me the ones who made the effort. It was very disheartening when I was recovering to not hear from heaps of my friends, so those people I have mostly let fall by the wayside. Life is too short to invest emotional energy into fair weather friends. So I am focusing on the great people in my life, and making sure that I direct my energy and efforts on to them, and don't think about the bad stuff. Life is good, and I have so much to be thankful for.
I've been to my surgeon for my 6 month check up, and he has almost discharged me. The only reason he didn't was because I was stunned that I wouldn't need to be seeing him on a regular basis like I have since I was a teenager. I guess that is because I had a really bad looking x-ray that was getting worse each time I saw him. Now, I have a good looking x-ray (in perspective with the old ones), and am hoping it stays that way.
I've hired a personal trainer at the gym to help rehabilitate me and keep me motivated to go. I know it's not great to need someone else to keep you motivated, but it really helps get you there if you know you'll look lazy if you haven't been more than a couple of times in a fortnight. It's also great to have someone that sees you at the gym and asks how you are going. I don't like to dwell on things, but it is nice to have it acknowledged that it is hard to exercise when you are in pain, so it's not just about getting my act together to go. The good news is that I don't have many days where the pain is debilitating anymore like before my surgery. When I have a bad day now, I can tolerate the pain (usually).
I still have to modify activity and am nowhere near normal, but am so much closer than I have been for years. I love going out in the evenings now, and it seems like I don't have to come home early like I used to because of pain. Ok, so that is still happening some times, but not as badly or as often as it used to. I haven't been to physio for a long time!
My university work is going ok, I have definitly been set back by my surgery and the associated pain and problems both pre and post op, but I am doing my best. I do feel like I have had a run of bad luck, my mum had a relapse of cancer which was super stressful. But I am determined not to crash and burn, even though the urge to pack up my books and take a job at the supermarket sometimes seems like the easier option.
I am also hugely grateful for the support I have had from some of my friends and family over the last year or so. I realise that some people are better at this than others, for whatever reason, but it has meant the world to me the ones who made the effort. It was very disheartening when I was recovering to not hear from heaps of my friends, so those people I have mostly let fall by the wayside. Life is too short to invest emotional energy into fair weather friends. So I am focusing on the great people in my life, and making sure that I direct my energy and efforts on to them, and don't think about the bad stuff. Life is good, and I have so much to be thankful for.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Five Months
Well, actually I'm a week shy of the five month mark. I've been back working on my university studies full-time, or as close to full-time as I was managing before my surgery. I have been able to sit up for nearly a full day, but having said that I'm back in the lazyboy today as I overdid it a few days ago. I've been rushing to complete all the paperwork for ethical approval of my study, so that's meant longer hours up and working. It's now 2 steps back, as I can't do much sitting up as a result of the extended time up working!
I'm able to do a lot more at the gym, I've started doing cardio properly again, when I make it to the gym that is! I'm also doing Pilates on the reformer regularly. I haven't done it for a few days because of the flare-up that I'm experiencing, but other than that it's going really well.
Pain wise, I'm only taking the odd panadol and anti-inflam drug. Gone are the narcotics of pre-surgery! I am still getting pain, and it can be intense, but nothing that I can't handle!
My physio and I were talking about how it was such an unknown going into the surgery, if it would be helpful or not, but how well I've done. She also said that even though I was working really hard to stay on top of pain and keeping my back strong, she could see it was a losing battle as I had gotten worse over the year that I had been seeing her for. So far, I'm a success story but it is still early days, I will find out at my 6 month check up if the surgery has been successful. If the bone hasn't healed, it's another trip to the OR. But I'm not focusing on that, I really feel like it's all going well.
I'm able to do a lot more at the gym, I've started doing cardio properly again, when I make it to the gym that is! I'm also doing Pilates on the reformer regularly. I haven't done it for a few days because of the flare-up that I'm experiencing, but other than that it's going really well.
Pain wise, I'm only taking the odd panadol and anti-inflam drug. Gone are the narcotics of pre-surgery! I am still getting pain, and it can be intense, but nothing that I can't handle!
My physio and I were talking about how it was such an unknown going into the surgery, if it would be helpful or not, but how well I've done. She also said that even though I was working really hard to stay on top of pain and keeping my back strong, she could see it was a losing battle as I had gotten worse over the year that I had been seeing her for. So far, I'm a success story but it is still early days, I will find out at my 6 month check up if the surgery has been successful. If the bone hasn't healed, it's another trip to the OR. But I'm not focusing on that, I really feel like it's all going well.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Three Months
I don't feel much different to the two month mark, but on reflection I am managing more without getting so worn out. I had a bad cold last week which totally wiped me out for nearly a week, so I was frustrated because I couldn't summon the energy to do my rehab.
Today I did the grocery shopping on my own at Pack n Save (for those of you overseas, it's the busyest supermarket) which was a big deal. The trolleys are really big and hard to push and manuver, and the people around get in the way so you have to move around them, stop in a hurry, etc. The checkout was hard getting all the stuff on to the conveyer from the trolley, but the rest was easy. I left a lot of it in the car, and packed it into lots of small boxes so I could carry them. By the time I got home I was quite sore, but not too bad.
I've hardly taken any drugs for months now, the only time I had to take anything serious was a couple of weeks ago when I went to the Lantern Festival and there were big crowds so I was twisting through, and getting pushed about a little bit, plus lots of walking. I had to drive to and fro, and by the time I got home I had to tuck in to the morphine... first time since the very first days that I was home. That was a one off though, and in hindsight a bit dumb. I was just so excited and feeling so good!
The hardest thing is that I am struggling to cope with the day to day things, and do my rehab. I'm priorotising rehab over things like washing, but it is really hard to live in a mess. Bryan is really busy at work trying to recoup the money he lost looking after me all summer, so it's not his fault. It's just quite hard to keep up with stuff, so the standards are not as high as we would like. I get some help, but sometimes when I ask it all seems too much trouble for the helper. Bryan's mum has been really good, she has done more than her fair share of ironing!
I am sitting for longer periods up in the normal chair, so I am starting to get into the books again. Plus, the motivation is coming back at last.
Out of all this experience, I have decided to start up a website for people in NZ with scoliosis, as there is nothing! I don't really know how to start, but I'm sure with my connections I'll get there!
Today I did the grocery shopping on my own at Pack n Save (for those of you overseas, it's the busyest supermarket) which was a big deal. The trolleys are really big and hard to push and manuver, and the people around get in the way so you have to move around them, stop in a hurry, etc. The checkout was hard getting all the stuff on to the conveyer from the trolley, but the rest was easy. I left a lot of it in the car, and packed it into lots of small boxes so I could carry them. By the time I got home I was quite sore, but not too bad.
I've hardly taken any drugs for months now, the only time I had to take anything serious was a couple of weeks ago when I went to the Lantern Festival and there were big crowds so I was twisting through, and getting pushed about a little bit, plus lots of walking. I had to drive to and fro, and by the time I got home I had to tuck in to the morphine... first time since the very first days that I was home. That was a one off though, and in hindsight a bit dumb. I was just so excited and feeling so good!
The hardest thing is that I am struggling to cope with the day to day things, and do my rehab. I'm priorotising rehab over things like washing, but it is really hard to live in a mess. Bryan is really busy at work trying to recoup the money he lost looking after me all summer, so it's not his fault. It's just quite hard to keep up with stuff, so the standards are not as high as we would like. I get some help, but sometimes when I ask it all seems too much trouble for the helper. Bryan's mum has been really good, she has done more than her fair share of ironing!
I am sitting for longer periods up in the normal chair, so I am starting to get into the books again. Plus, the motivation is coming back at last.
Out of all this experience, I have decided to start up a website for people in NZ with scoliosis, as there is nothing! I don't really know how to start, but I'm sure with my connections I'll get there!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Just over two months now
Well, after rocketing through the early stages of recovery, it's been slowing down slightly lately. I guess the long-term bone healing and fine tuning of muscles is slower. I have noticed that if I do too much in the pool, I get quite sore. It's a fine balance between doing nothing, and doing too much. I don't know at the time if I've done too much, but that night I'll be quite sore.
I have been feeling really tired lately, but otherwise good. I haven't been able to get back into uni stuff, but have been trying to. My concentration just isn't there, and Bryan has been noticing that I am doing some dumb stuff... just not thinking, so I guess it's probably for the best that I don't try anything too taxing because I might have to fix it later!
I'm doing 30min walking in the water at the moment, and 6 lengths of the kickboard (which does stir things up a bit). The lifeguard at the pool knows me, and thinks I'm some weird walking frankenstein because he asked what the scar on my back was from! It was nice though to have someone say that it was amazing what I went through, because it was. My surgeon hadn't done a revision before, to this extent. He had no expectations of what kind of correction he would get, rather had just hoped to stop it from getting worse. So I'm really lucky to have the good results that I did.
I have been feeling really tired lately, but otherwise good. I haven't been able to get back into uni stuff, but have been trying to. My concentration just isn't there, and Bryan has been noticing that I am doing some dumb stuff... just not thinking, so I guess it's probably for the best that I don't try anything too taxing because I might have to fix it later!
I'm doing 30min walking in the water at the moment, and 6 lengths of the kickboard (which does stir things up a bit). The lifeguard at the pool knows me, and thinks I'm some weird walking frankenstein because he asked what the scar on my back was from! It was nice though to have someone say that it was amazing what I went through, because it was. My surgeon hadn't done a revision before, to this extent. He had no expectations of what kind of correction he would get, rather had just hoped to stop it from getting worse. So I'm really lucky to have the good results that I did.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Six-Weeks Post-op
I went back to my surgeon today to have my first post-op check-up. This was a fun exercise involving more x-rays, - my stack is already too big to lug easily. I was feeling a bit sad on the way in, because it is very nerve-wracking to have to go to the surgeon and find out what he has to say, and to have to go through this on a regular basis isn't great. But today it was all good news. I told him when I came off all my drugs, that I have been driving, and what I have been up to, and he was amazed. I also told him that the most persistant pain site I had seems to be gone since the surgery, and he was pleased. He wasn't convinced that the surgery would do anything other than stop the curve from getting worse. So the reduction in pain, straighter spine, and smooth surgery was as much a surprise for me as it was for him. Having said that, my surgeon is known for having a very conservative outlook, and rare smiles. So I was pleased that when I said I was thrilled with the results, he actually looked like he was happy! I also haven't had any pain from my bone graft site, which has been really good. I had been told by many people how painful it is long-term, and I was afraid of having more pain than I already had. I think it is amazing how good I feel six-weeks out, and my surgeon was really surprised at how well I have recovered. For me, most of the time I feel better than I did pre-op. I am really tired though at the moment, and I do have some pain. But I am managing, and it is only sometimes where it is bad enough to make me drop everything and lie down.
I am finding it frustrating still not being able to do everything that I would normally, especially since Bryan still has to do all the housework plus try and catch up on his work. Because we went on our summer holiday for 2 weeks before my surgery, and him having to look after me full time since december, he is really behind. Also one of his staff has taken an extended holiday, so it's been really difficult. I really wish I could help more, and if I need stuff done it is adding to his workload. So all this time I have to think up ideas and scheme, is quite stressful for him! I need to bite my tounge when I think, 'hey, why don't we just do x y z to the house?' If anyone is feeling generous, I would love some help organising my office.
Our kitten arrives in two days, and we've narrowed names down to 1) Orion 2) Darwin 3) Leo, I think it's going to be Orion, but we are still undecided. Anyone who wants to vote can do so on my facebook page!
I'm hoping to be starting up thesis work soon, but I'm still feeling wiped out. There are lots of things that are small jobs that I could be doing, but don't have the energy. The days are going really fast, but I'm not sleeping well at the moment.
All up, I am so happy with how I've progressed to this point. The surgery was so major, but from all accounts I have done really well. It's been difficult at times, but nowhere near as bad as it could have been. I'm pleased that I have surprised my surgeon in a good way!
I am finding it frustrating still not being able to do everything that I would normally, especially since Bryan still has to do all the housework plus try and catch up on his work. Because we went on our summer holiday for 2 weeks before my surgery, and him having to look after me full time since december, he is really behind. Also one of his staff has taken an extended holiday, so it's been really difficult. I really wish I could help more, and if I need stuff done it is adding to his workload. So all this time I have to think up ideas and scheme, is quite stressful for him! I need to bite my tounge when I think, 'hey, why don't we just do x y z to the house?' If anyone is feeling generous, I would love some help organising my office.
Our kitten arrives in two days, and we've narrowed names down to 1) Orion 2) Darwin 3) Leo, I think it's going to be Orion, but we are still undecided. Anyone who wants to vote can do so on my facebook page!
I'm hoping to be starting up thesis work soon, but I'm still feeling wiped out. There are lots of things that are small jobs that I could be doing, but don't have the energy. The days are going really fast, but I'm not sleeping well at the moment.
All up, I am so happy with how I've progressed to this point. The surgery was so major, but from all accounts I have done really well. It's been difficult at times, but nowhere near as bad as it could have been. I'm pleased that I have surprised my surgeon in a good way!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Five Weeks
My fifth post-op week has been a good one. I've managed to start driving again, and have been out for longer periods lately. I'm off all my drugs, but I get sore when I do too much. I've been for longer walks, but still get quite tired if I have to walk uphill. Just really unfit! I see my surgeon on tuesday, so I am hoping to get the all clear to start intensive physio. I also am hoping that all my fusion is solid, I really don't want to go through this again!
I've decided that I need to replace my car, I was having trouble prior to my surgery getting in and out. I've listed my car on trademe, and I've been looking for something with four doors and small. Something like a toyota echo, VW polo, or similar. I'm quite fussy though, and impulsive. This is a bad combination for car shopping, because when I see something I like, I want it right away.
We get our kitten next week which is exciting, still need to find a name for him! Any suggestions are welcome.
I've decided that I need to replace my car, I was having trouble prior to my surgery getting in and out. I've listed my car on trademe, and I've been looking for something with four doors and small. Something like a toyota echo, VW polo, or similar. I'm quite fussy though, and impulsive. This is a bad combination for car shopping, because when I see something I like, I want it right away.
We get our kitten next week which is exciting, still need to find a name for him! Any suggestions are welcome.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Four Weeks Post-op
Today is a bit of a milestone day, being four weeks since I had my big op. I am doing a little bit more each day, but mainly am still confined to my lazyboy chair. If I start doing things, people freak out and try to usher me back to a reclining position. Having said that, I have managed to convince Bryan on several occasions to take me out. I also have been on longer walks, which is nice.
I think it's time to step things up a little bit, as I haven't been walking everyday like I was at the start. I need to continue those things to make sure that I progress quickly, as I need to get my independence back. For the most part, my pain is less than what I experienced before surgery, but I am quite stiff and feel fragile. I'm not sure when I'm allowed to start bending again, but I don't feel like doing that yet. (Added later that day.... I think I spoke to soon about the pain, just went to Takapuna and had a look in some shops... really sore now, lasted out just over an hour, so I have a long way to go! I'm feeling positive that things will get better though, but as for being better than pre-op... well, only when I'm sitting around doing nothing!)
I'm looking forward to
1) driving
2)shopping
3) doing everything for myself
4) going for long drives
5) going for long walks
6) going away on the boat
7) swimming
8) starting pilates
9) going to the movies
10) going to some festivals, like the lantern festival in february
There are lots more things that I could add to the list, but those are the main things. I really miss exercising!
I think I'll be able to start my artwork soon, and start looking at some stuff to do with my thesis. I am really motivated to get going on my thesis, and start up at university again. I really feel like this year is going to be positive, and I'm hoping that my lack of pain now is an indication of how I'm going to be feeling from now on. I can't believe what I had to put up with, and how much Bryan has had to deal with stuff he really shouldn't.
I think it's time to step things up a little bit, as I haven't been walking everyday like I was at the start. I need to continue those things to make sure that I progress quickly, as I need to get my independence back. For the most part, my pain is less than what I experienced before surgery, but I am quite stiff and feel fragile. I'm not sure when I'm allowed to start bending again, but I don't feel like doing that yet. (Added later that day.... I think I spoke to soon about the pain, just went to Takapuna and had a look in some shops... really sore now, lasted out just over an hour, so I have a long way to go! I'm feeling positive that things will get better though, but as for being better than pre-op... well, only when I'm sitting around doing nothing!)
I'm looking forward to
1) driving
2)shopping
3) doing everything for myself
4) going for long drives
5) going for long walks
6) going away on the boat
7) swimming
8) starting pilates
9) going to the movies
10) going to some festivals, like the lantern festival in february
There are lots more things that I could add to the list, but those are the main things. I really miss exercising!
I think I'll be able to start my artwork soon, and start looking at some stuff to do with my thesis. I am really motivated to get going on my thesis, and start up at university again. I really feel like this year is going to be positive, and I'm hoping that my lack of pain now is an indication of how I'm going to be feeling from now on. I can't believe what I had to put up with, and how much Bryan has had to deal with stuff he really shouldn't.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Breaking out into the real world
Today I went on another outing, this one for an hour. I hopped into the car with Bryan, not exactly knowing where we were going... and suggested we head to Milford. We went to a cafe at the mall, and had to queue for a long time for a coffee in a small space. I was a bit nervous as the waitress kept sort of pushing past people to get through, and there wasn't really anywhere to go. Bryan stood quite close so that I would be sheilded from being bumped. After coffee, we headed to the stationary shop for some refil pages for my photo albums. I spent all of yesterday organising my photos from this year and last year, and ordered 160 photos. Weirdly, the photo album pages are going to be way more expensive than the photos.
Physically I'm feeling much better, I lasted an hour out today, and hadn't taken any pain relief today or yesterday (other than an anti-inflamitory). It's been feeling better than much of the time pre-op, which is something! If 3 weeks post op I'm in less pain than I had been, it's pretty telling of how bad it had been. I walked to the dairy yesterday unattended, after putting my foot down. I am finding it difficult being followed around everywhere like some fragile thing that might suddenly swoon. I guess that's a good thing! I have realised how independent I am.
The challenge is finding things to keep me occupied.
Physically I'm feeling much better, I lasted an hour out today, and hadn't taken any pain relief today or yesterday (other than an anti-inflamitory). It's been feeling better than much of the time pre-op, which is something! If 3 weeks post op I'm in less pain than I had been, it's pretty telling of how bad it had been. I walked to the dairy yesterday unattended, after putting my foot down. I am finding it difficult being followed around everywhere like some fragile thing that might suddenly swoon. I guess that's a good thing! I have realised how independent I am.
The challenge is finding things to keep me occupied.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Christmas Day
As anticipated, today was a big day! I woke up at 4.30am in a lot of pain, so after several attempts managed to get up and move into the lazyboy. Bryan came and slept on the couch next to me until morning. I wondered how many kiddies would be lying awake wondering if it was too early to go jump on their parents beds, hoping for early morning present opening! When I got up, I had a shower and put on a nice dress and make up. It was fun to put on some normal clothes, and I was reasonably comfortable. Bryan has turned into quite the hairdresser, and did an excellent job of straightening my hair for me.
Garry and Glenis came for breakfast, and made us blueberry pancakes. I managed to sit at the table long enough to eat them too which was nice. Then we opened a huge pile of presents, which was really fun. By the time we had finished presents and had a cup of tea- despite my best efforts, I was yawning and struggling to stay awake. Garry and Glenis left, and I attempted a small nap whilst Bryan prepared the ham for round two at Adele and Dom's with my side of the family. I had a little nap before mum and dad came around, returning my 'borrowed' car with a new paint job! The paint had been falling off the roof and boot, so dad treated it to a re-spray, and polished out the worst of the ding someone put on the side of it.
Mum had made a trifle that had wobbled it's way out of the dish and into the bag she'd put it in, so spent a while in our kitchen rescuing it! I did my best to entertain dad with some photo's from our recent yachting trip to Great Barrier. Shortly after mum and dad arrived, Yvette and Moz came over. Everyone had presented themselves early at Adele and Dom's over the road, and were sent away to wait at our house until they were ready! We headed over to Adeles at 2pm, and I set myself up on their couch with a pile of cushions. I did ok, and managed to eat lunch at the table before retiring to the couch again. We opened presents, and watched Nelson play Santa. Nelson was great at matching presents with the right person!
After desert I had a quick look at Adele's new basement, before deciding that despite my best efforts I was knackered. I wasn't too sore which was great, but exhausted. I came home at 4pm with a plateful of leftover turkey and ham, and then had a massive nap until 7pm. Lucky for me, when I woke there was still some turkey left!
It was a really fun day, and I enjoyed spending time with my family even though I was exhausted. It was so nice to do something other than lie around in the lounge, AND, I put on something other than a hippie skirt and singlet! I'm getting a little better each day, and this was definitly a big milestone even if it was only over the street.
Garry and Glenis came for breakfast, and made us blueberry pancakes. I managed to sit at the table long enough to eat them too which was nice. Then we opened a huge pile of presents, which was really fun. By the time we had finished presents and had a cup of tea- despite my best efforts, I was yawning and struggling to stay awake. Garry and Glenis left, and I attempted a small nap whilst Bryan prepared the ham for round two at Adele and Dom's with my side of the family. I had a little nap before mum and dad came around, returning my 'borrowed' car with a new paint job! The paint had been falling off the roof and boot, so dad treated it to a re-spray, and polished out the worst of the ding someone put on the side of it.
Mum had made a trifle that had wobbled it's way out of the dish and into the bag she'd put it in, so spent a while in our kitchen rescuing it! I did my best to entertain dad with some photo's from our recent yachting trip to Great Barrier. Shortly after mum and dad arrived, Yvette and Moz came over. Everyone had presented themselves early at Adele and Dom's over the road, and were sent away to wait at our house until they were ready! We headed over to Adeles at 2pm, and I set myself up on their couch with a pile of cushions. I did ok, and managed to eat lunch at the table before retiring to the couch again. We opened presents, and watched Nelson play Santa. Nelson was great at matching presents with the right person!
After desert I had a quick look at Adele's new basement, before deciding that despite my best efforts I was knackered. I wasn't too sore which was great, but exhausted. I came home at 4pm with a plateful of leftover turkey and ham, and then had a massive nap until 7pm. Lucky for me, when I woke there was still some turkey left!
It was a really fun day, and I enjoyed spending time with my family even though I was exhausted. It was so nice to do something other than lie around in the lounge, AND, I put on something other than a hippie skirt and singlet! I'm getting a little better each day, and this was definitly a big milestone even if it was only over the street.
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve Present
It's the simple things that make all the difference when you're stuck inside on a hot summers day, climbing the walls. Today I got my wish and went for a ride in the car to Brown's bay! I had forgotten how much bedlam it would be as it is the last shopping day, but I wasn't worried. The abundance of disabled parks frustrated me, as we couldn't find any normal carparks and I'm not really up to walking far combined with a car trip. We had just finished a circut looking for a carpark when we found one, and I hopped out elated that I was able to have my first real outing.
We went and bought icecreams, and took them to the beach. It was really sunny and windy, and we sat on a picnic table and looked out to sea. I was so happy, and best of all I wasn't too sore to enjoy it. On the way back to the car we bought some bread for lunch, and then headed home. Once I got home I was really quite sore, I think just from being up such a long time using muscles that have been chopped through etc. Bryan was really worried when he saw that I was in pain when we got home, so I'm hoping he wasn't serious when he said he shouldn't have let me convince him to take me out. It really wasn't that bad, and it is a step in the right direction.
The girls that I talk to in America that have just had this surgery have had to face 4 hour car-rides home from the hospital in ice and snow. If they can do that, 30min or so up for an icecream is nothing!
We went and bought icecreams, and took them to the beach. It was really sunny and windy, and we sat on a picnic table and looked out to sea. I was so happy, and best of all I wasn't too sore to enjoy it. On the way back to the car we bought some bread for lunch, and then headed home. Once I got home I was really quite sore, I think just from being up such a long time using muscles that have been chopped through etc. Bryan was really worried when he saw that I was in pain when we got home, so I'm hoping he wasn't serious when he said he shouldn't have let me convince him to take me out. It really wasn't that bad, and it is a step in the right direction.
The girls that I talk to in America that have just had this surgery have had to face 4 hour car-rides home from the hospital in ice and snow. If they can do that, 30min or so up for an icecream is nothing!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Toughing it out
After feeling like taking the drugs made little difference, today I decided not to take any. I honestly can't tell any difference! I'll take them for overnight, because I wake up in a lot of pain from lying on my back all night (despite drugs), so I'm not ready to try without.
My new back feels weird, the stretching sensation at my waist (where most of the curve was centered) has gone now... that was a strange feeling! But I still have really sensitive skin in places, and numbness in others. The hypersensitivity is awful, because even my hair brushing against it feels like sharp nails. I had that last time too, and it all settled down after a few months. The numbness from the last surgery is still there now though (on my front lower ribs where they cut in), so I'm not expecting the sensation to return. It's just surface skin numbness, but I'm going to have to be careful in the sun cos I won't feel sunburn!
The technology that is involved in this surgery is amazing, and in many ways is in it's infancy. The physio at the hospital was telling me how when she started work in the 70's, the treatment at the time was to literally stretch the patient on a rack... for months on end, and then operate. The operation was a spinal fusion, like I've had but without the supporting metalware, followed by 6 months in a body cast. I have talked to a lot of people on the american forum that I visit that had this done. People still are treated regularly using braces, however my curve was too severe to consider bracing... thankfully. Being in a brace for your entire growing period would not be pleasant, especially because it is for 23 hours a day.
When I originally was scheduled to have surgery in my teens, the technology being used was still 'harrington' rods. These are only anchored on the spine at top and bottom, like a splint... and have many complications and frequently require revision. The method that I had is much newer, and time will tell whether or not it's going to hold. But hopefully I'll be able to keep fit and well, and that will help prolong the life of my rods.
Even though having two scoliosis surgeries is rare, I am grateful that I am in a position where I can have this done by a reputable surgeon. People often ask me if this is the last surgery that I will need. I can't honestly answer that question, because the first time I had it done I never imagined that I would need it again, especially not so soon. In researching this operation, I have found a lot more information, and realise that there is no certainty... stuff can go badly wrong. But I am choosing not to focus on those aspects, and instead work on rehabilitation and maintaining my health. I'm looking forward to starting pilates again, and building up those laps in the pool. Looking after myself hopefully will extend the life of my rods, but it can't stop progression of any curves that might be remaining.
It's only two day's until Christmas, and I'm feeling like I'll really enjoy the day. I'm going to try and eat dinner at the table, which will be another milestone. I've been sitting upright for longer periods now, so I think I'll manage. Maybe Bryan will take me for a ride in the car as a present.
My new back feels weird, the stretching sensation at my waist (where most of the curve was centered) has gone now... that was a strange feeling! But I still have really sensitive skin in places, and numbness in others. The hypersensitivity is awful, because even my hair brushing against it feels like sharp nails. I had that last time too, and it all settled down after a few months. The numbness from the last surgery is still there now though (on my front lower ribs where they cut in), so I'm not expecting the sensation to return. It's just surface skin numbness, but I'm going to have to be careful in the sun cos I won't feel sunburn!
The technology that is involved in this surgery is amazing, and in many ways is in it's infancy. The physio at the hospital was telling me how when she started work in the 70's, the treatment at the time was to literally stretch the patient on a rack... for months on end, and then operate. The operation was a spinal fusion, like I've had but without the supporting metalware, followed by 6 months in a body cast. I have talked to a lot of people on the american forum that I visit that had this done. People still are treated regularly using braces, however my curve was too severe to consider bracing... thankfully. Being in a brace for your entire growing period would not be pleasant, especially because it is for 23 hours a day.
When I originally was scheduled to have surgery in my teens, the technology being used was still 'harrington' rods. These are only anchored on the spine at top and bottom, like a splint... and have many complications and frequently require revision. The method that I had is much newer, and time will tell whether or not it's going to hold. But hopefully I'll be able to keep fit and well, and that will help prolong the life of my rods.
Even though having two scoliosis surgeries is rare, I am grateful that I am in a position where I can have this done by a reputable surgeon. People often ask me if this is the last surgery that I will need. I can't honestly answer that question, because the first time I had it done I never imagined that I would need it again, especially not so soon. In researching this operation, I have found a lot more information, and realise that there is no certainty... stuff can go badly wrong. But I am choosing not to focus on those aspects, and instead work on rehabilitation and maintaining my health. I'm looking forward to starting pilates again, and building up those laps in the pool. Looking after myself hopefully will extend the life of my rods, but it can't stop progression of any curves that might be remaining.
It's only two day's until Christmas, and I'm feeling like I'll really enjoy the day. I'm going to try and eat dinner at the table, which will be another milestone. I've been sitting upright for longer periods now, so I think I'll manage. Maybe Bryan will take me for a ride in the car as a present.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Two-weeks later
It's been two weeks now since my surgery, and it's gone quickly. My pain has been decreasing slowly, and my stamina has been increasing. I was able to sit at the table and wrap some christmas presents today, and also ate lunch at the table. Another milestone was getting myself out of my lazyboy. I have to be careful not to get over-confident though, I still feel fragile. I watched a movie from start to finish (not very heavy on plot though!) which was great.
The chair milestone is my favorite, although I can't do it repetitively because it's a bit of a strain, I can pull the lever on the chair. I can also scooch myself out over the end. No more strandings! At the moment I'm a bit sore so wouldn't attempt it right now, but it's nice to know I can do it. This newfound semi-independence means that Bryan has taken a trip to the supermarket. I'm hoping for a fruju to sneak it's way into his trolly cos it's roasting!
I have had a few visitors over the last few days which has been great, they save me from going mental! It's nice that they have all noticed how much taller and straighter I am, that's a good bonus. One of Glenis's friends (Jill) even turned up with a big batch of afgans. Her timing was excellent, the banana cake Nicole bought was nearly finished, and I'd just eaten the last anzac biscut. I've been really lucky with visitors this week.
The next big milestone I'm looking forward to, is going 'out' in the car. I'm itching to go anywhere, supermarket, wherever! I'm glad to be avoiding the malls though!
The chair milestone is my favorite, although I can't do it repetitively because it's a bit of a strain, I can pull the lever on the chair. I can also scooch myself out over the end. No more strandings! At the moment I'm a bit sore so wouldn't attempt it right now, but it's nice to know I can do it. This newfound semi-independence means that Bryan has taken a trip to the supermarket. I'm hoping for a fruju to sneak it's way into his trolly cos it's roasting!
I have had a few visitors over the last few days which has been great, they save me from going mental! It's nice that they have all noticed how much taller and straighter I am, that's a good bonus. One of Glenis's friends (Jill) even turned up with a big batch of afgans. Her timing was excellent, the banana cake Nicole bought was nearly finished, and I'd just eaten the last anzac biscut. I've been really lucky with visitors this week.
The next big milestone I'm looking forward to, is going 'out' in the car. I'm itching to go anywhere, supermarket, wherever! I'm glad to be avoiding the malls though!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The Babysitters Club
It's a weird feeling being an adult woman and needing babysitters on a regular basis. Although Bryan made it to the shops the other day for a couple of groceries, we had to put me into bed so that I would be able to get up on my own if I needed to. I'm still totally helpless when I'm in the lazy-boy (I expect that to continue for a while). This means that I need someone at hand to eject me out at a moments notice should I need to get up... or to retrieve the remote if it should heaven forbid fall on the floor (completely lost), or pass me the laptop, make me a snack, or pour me a drink. Since Bryan is having the odd meeting at work or game of touch, we need to organise someone to come in.
The good news is that the babysitters bring with them a keeness to do whatever jobs I can throw at them, and often come armed with goodies. It is more challenging however to provide the sitter (or other visitor) with stimulating conversation, as the days excitment is delivered in half hour slots on the TV. My favorite programs are ones which don't involve a lot of thinking, and are of short duration. I am really into 'dirty jobs' at the moment, I enjoy watching him try and tackle an ostrich and put a hood over it's head whilst enjoying the witty dialouge along the way.
Physically today has been a reasonable day, I managed to sleep the night in my bed. I think that was in part because I went to bed really late and got up early though. The bed is certainly less comfortable than the chair. I'm a bit worried about whether the chair is a bad idea in terms of healing my bone in an unnatural position, but I didn't have any specific instructions regarding sleeping positions. When I got up this morning I didn't have terrible pain which was nice. I'm feeling pretty sore at the moment, I think I might have been over-keen with something. Bryan was right about the difficult part being keeping me from getting frustrated. My natural desire is to push myself and rehabilitate, but that has to be balanced with healing.
The good news is that the babysitters bring with them a keeness to do whatever jobs I can throw at them, and often come armed with goodies. It is more challenging however to provide the sitter (or other visitor) with stimulating conversation, as the days excitment is delivered in half hour slots on the TV. My favorite programs are ones which don't involve a lot of thinking, and are of short duration. I am really into 'dirty jobs' at the moment, I enjoy watching him try and tackle an ostrich and put a hood over it's head whilst enjoying the witty dialouge along the way.
Physically today has been a reasonable day, I managed to sleep the night in my bed. I think that was in part because I went to bed really late and got up early though. The bed is certainly less comfortable than the chair. I'm a bit worried about whether the chair is a bad idea in terms of healing my bone in an unnatural position, but I didn't have any specific instructions regarding sleeping positions. When I got up this morning I didn't have terrible pain which was nice. I'm feeling pretty sore at the moment, I think I might have been over-keen with something. Bryan was right about the difficult part being keeping me from getting frustrated. My natural desire is to push myself and rehabilitate, but that has to be balanced with healing.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Twelve Days of Surgery
Today is twelve days following my surgery, and I'm doing well. Yesterday's milestone was walking the distance to the Rothesay Bay shops (? 200m return) which was a decent challenge. I thought this point might be a good time to talk about what I am able to do.
The walking thing seems to be going well, much better than after my last surgery because my lungs didn't have to be collapsed to operate when going through the back. I'm not allowed to bend, twist, or lift... and none of those things sound appealing to me at all. It means that if I drop something, I have to leave it there for whoever happens past me. Bryan has given me 2 phones and a walkie-talkie for this reason, and it's necissary. Remotes also occasionally go overboard from the lazy-boy, which is ok unless there is something really bad on, and I then have to suffer through it (or holler for Bryan). I can reach my arms up over my head which is great, but I can't really lift objects that are placed a long distance away. I also can't lift my body off the lazy-boy to reach things on the other side of the coffee table. It's all a bit frustrating.
I rang my physio to try and get started on rehabilitation, but she rightly said I was probably pushing it. I don't like it that I had done all that work building muscle in my legs before surgery, and it's going to waste. There's not much else to do than snack and watch TV... I can't wait to start pilates again, and get back in the water.
Bryan has brought home his work computer so that he can be near me and help, whilst finishing off his jobs. He's still being very patient with me, even when I've become impatient and restless. I had a sneezing fit today which was particularly unpleasant, and have been sore for a few hours since. It's boiling hot and humid today, but I was sitting in a draught.
The walking thing seems to be going well, much better than after my last surgery because my lungs didn't have to be collapsed to operate when going through the back. I'm not allowed to bend, twist, or lift... and none of those things sound appealing to me at all. It means that if I drop something, I have to leave it there for whoever happens past me. Bryan has given me 2 phones and a walkie-talkie for this reason, and it's necissary. Remotes also occasionally go overboard from the lazy-boy, which is ok unless there is something really bad on, and I then have to suffer through it (or holler for Bryan). I can reach my arms up over my head which is great, but I can't really lift objects that are placed a long distance away. I also can't lift my body off the lazy-boy to reach things on the other side of the coffee table. It's all a bit frustrating.
I rang my physio to try and get started on rehabilitation, but she rightly said I was probably pushing it. I don't like it that I had done all that work building muscle in my legs before surgery, and it's going to waste. There's not much else to do than snack and watch TV... I can't wait to start pilates again, and get back in the water.
Bryan has brought home his work computer so that he can be near me and help, whilst finishing off his jobs. He's still being very patient with me, even when I've become impatient and restless. I had a sneezing fit today which was particularly unpleasant, and have been sore for a few hours since. It's boiling hot and humid today, but I was sitting in a draught.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Starting to think about Christmas
Yesterday was a bit of a more eventful day, my parents stopped by in a 2002 Toyota MRS that they had purchased seemingly on impulse that morning. Thanks to that, they were feeling particularly festive and helped Bryan decorate the bare christmas tree with the box of decorations Garry found left behind at an office he was moving. My tree is now groaning under the weight of the dozens of baubells (sp?) and lights, but made an impressive sight on walking outside this evening. We wandered down the street a fair way and could only see one other, but no-where near as fancy looking as ours. I can't see us turning into Franklin Road any time soon, but I love fairy lights.
I'm feeling much better today, my tummy has settled down a lot. I've been off all morphine since the day after I got home. Although I was adamant before surgery that Tramadol does nothing for me, it seems to have some effect- although I can't really tell when it wears off. I'm glad to be feeling comfortable most of the time, with my tummy being the worst part lately. I get breakthrough pain at times though, which usually comes after lying in one spot for a while. It literally takes my breath away. I felt well enough for Bryan to leave me at home alone for 20min or so to whip down to the pharmacy in the morning, then an afternoon trip to Browns Bay for a frappacino. I feel up to a car trip, but Bryan's racing suspension doesn't appeal considering I have to remind people to tread softly around me in the lounge. Everyones footsteps can be felt in my body. It's not painful, but an unpleasant sensation like fingernails on a blackboard. I guess a spinal fusion effectively removes your natural shock absorbers in your spine- the layers of cartilige between your vertebrae, and packs the spaces with solid bone.
One of the best things has been the home baking people have done for me. Yesterday Bryan's nana stopped by with some ginger crunch, which on an upset tummy seemed to be really good. A few days prior Bryan's mum Glennis made me some really good anzac biscuits. Then Regan and Andy brought around a care package wtih some pumpkin bread they had made, along with some other goodies. Bryan has been helping out with the chocolate, I think all the running around after me has made him hungry. Being stranded helps me moderate my consumption of goodies, needing them all brought to me or being released from my chair to fend for myself briefly.
It's about 4am Monday, I'm still not sleeping through the night but thankfully the worst of the dreams seem over. Bryan is up with me at the moment reading his book waiting for me to feel ready for sleep again. It seems that between 3 and 4am is when I wake, but can usually get back to sleep. Bryan is still being wonderful, and I'm hoping that he won't get burnt out. He's wondering how best to spend his now enourmous pile of brownie points he's earned from being my 24 hour carer.
I'm feeling much better today, my tummy has settled down a lot. I've been off all morphine since the day after I got home. Although I was adamant before surgery that Tramadol does nothing for me, it seems to have some effect- although I can't really tell when it wears off. I'm glad to be feeling comfortable most of the time, with my tummy being the worst part lately. I get breakthrough pain at times though, which usually comes after lying in one spot for a while. It literally takes my breath away. I felt well enough for Bryan to leave me at home alone for 20min or so to whip down to the pharmacy in the morning, then an afternoon trip to Browns Bay for a frappacino. I feel up to a car trip, but Bryan's racing suspension doesn't appeal considering I have to remind people to tread softly around me in the lounge. Everyones footsteps can be felt in my body. It's not painful, but an unpleasant sensation like fingernails on a blackboard. I guess a spinal fusion effectively removes your natural shock absorbers in your spine- the layers of cartilige between your vertebrae, and packs the spaces with solid bone.
One of the best things has been the home baking people have done for me. Yesterday Bryan's nana stopped by with some ginger crunch, which on an upset tummy seemed to be really good. A few days prior Bryan's mum Glennis made me some really good anzac biscuits. Then Regan and Andy brought around a care package wtih some pumpkin bread they had made, along with some other goodies. Bryan has been helping out with the chocolate, I think all the running around after me has made him hungry. Being stranded helps me moderate my consumption of goodies, needing them all brought to me or being released from my chair to fend for myself briefly.
It's about 4am Monday, I'm still not sleeping through the night but thankfully the worst of the dreams seem over. Bryan is up with me at the moment reading his book waiting for me to feel ready for sleep again. It seems that between 3 and 4am is when I wake, but can usually get back to sleep. Bryan is still being wonderful, and I'm hoping that he won't get burnt out. He's wondering how best to spend his now enourmous pile of brownie points he's earned from being my 24 hour carer.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
The blue rinse brigade
Something about having a bad scoliosis, is that it separates you from other people your own age. It's hard for people to understand what it is like to live with chronic pain, unless they have also been there. This has led me to feel sometimes like an elderly person, with creaking bones when I get up in the morning... (I seldom lie in because it's not comfortable), and by mid afternoon will have munched through my first of a few slow-release codine tablets that will be consumed until bedtime.
Going home early from parties also, not because I'm ready, but because I can't bear the pain any more. I'm amazed that Bryan is so understanding about this, but I try and make sure he can pursue his own interests without worrying about me.
The blue rinse factor has been amplified since my surgery. I couldn't help but feel once I had recovered enough to be bothered, that I had awoken in some home for old-age pensioners. I shared a hospital room with two elderly ladies whose snoring could wake the dead, and my earplugs needed the additional help of my i-pod earphones resting on top at full volume to drown out the noise. Unfortunately, I have unusually small ear canals (according to my audiologist honourary mother in law), so at random intervals through the night my ears ejected the earplugs, and I awoke to more snoring. At one point, one of the nurses with a sense of humor, kindly went over to the loudest one and woke her to ask if she was sleeping ok.... admittedly, I had asked her if she could just do a set of 'obs' on her to wake her... she was pre-op, she'd never know it's not normal! I hoped that I would manage to fall asleep in the time it took her to re-orientate herself.
Someone also mistook me for an elderly person and bought me a very fancy looking tube of individually wrapped prunes. This is a mean trick because they look like chocolates to someone who is a bit out of it. These sorts of weird things, must surely be hugely appealing to elderly folk, because their paranoia about their bowels leads them to consume excessive quantities of prunes... And, because these individually wrapped numbers look so appealing, I can see how much fun grandma's would have offering them to children, who like me- mistook them for choccies. Then they can watch with delight as the child takes a 'sweet', unwrapps it, and consumes it... and then their face contorts in the shocking realisation that their beloved nana has duped them into the eating of prunes.
You can see by my ramblings thus far, that I am getting cabin fever, and it's only 9 days after my operation! I'm not enjoying being stranded, but at least my pain has come down to a bearable level so I have ditched the morphine. I'd really like to hear from people, while this blog is really great for me to communicate out, I miss out on people contact. I blame the pre-christmas rush and people being timid. I think that might be another nana factor there, the 'no-one visits' complaint, when really people do visit regularly... just not the people that you had thought. Maybe that was just my nana that was like that.
I had a much better night last night, slept until about 3am in the lazy boy with Bryan on the couch. I felt well enough to go to bed for the remainder of the night and had a blissful sleep. It was so nice to be able to feel a little bit normal again. No nightmares, just bad dreams with more wierd content.
Going home early from parties also, not because I'm ready, but because I can't bear the pain any more. I'm amazed that Bryan is so understanding about this, but I try and make sure he can pursue his own interests without worrying about me.
The blue rinse factor has been amplified since my surgery. I couldn't help but feel once I had recovered enough to be bothered, that I had awoken in some home for old-age pensioners. I shared a hospital room with two elderly ladies whose snoring could wake the dead, and my earplugs needed the additional help of my i-pod earphones resting on top at full volume to drown out the noise. Unfortunately, I have unusually small ear canals (according to my audiologist honourary mother in law), so at random intervals through the night my ears ejected the earplugs, and I awoke to more snoring. At one point, one of the nurses with a sense of humor, kindly went over to the loudest one and woke her to ask if she was sleeping ok.... admittedly, I had asked her if she could just do a set of 'obs' on her to wake her... she was pre-op, she'd never know it's not normal! I hoped that I would manage to fall asleep in the time it took her to re-orientate herself.
Someone also mistook me for an elderly person and bought me a very fancy looking tube of individually wrapped prunes. This is a mean trick because they look like chocolates to someone who is a bit out of it. These sorts of weird things, must surely be hugely appealing to elderly folk, because their paranoia about their bowels leads them to consume excessive quantities of prunes... And, because these individually wrapped numbers look so appealing, I can see how much fun grandma's would have offering them to children, who like me- mistook them for choccies. Then they can watch with delight as the child takes a 'sweet', unwrapps it, and consumes it... and then their face contorts in the shocking realisation that their beloved nana has duped them into the eating of prunes.
You can see by my ramblings thus far, that I am getting cabin fever, and it's only 9 days after my operation! I'm not enjoying being stranded, but at least my pain has come down to a bearable level so I have ditched the morphine. I'd really like to hear from people, while this blog is really great for me to communicate out, I miss out on people contact. I blame the pre-christmas rush and people being timid. I think that might be another nana factor there, the 'no-one visits' complaint, when really people do visit regularly... just not the people that you had thought. Maybe that was just my nana that was like that.
I had a much better night last night, slept until about 3am in the lazy boy with Bryan on the couch. I felt well enough to go to bed for the remainder of the night and had a blissful sleep. It was so nice to be able to feel a little bit normal again. No nightmares, just bad dreams with more wierd content.
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Pre-op 2000
This is before I had any surgery on my back. It's looking at it front on. You can see the base of the spine is where it connects to my pelvis, and then how the top is out of line with the bottom, This made it look like I had one big hip, because my ribcage was off to one side.
Pre-op 2007
Here is how my spine looks now, you can see that the part that has the rods is straight, then at the top the unfused part goes off at a different angle. The surgery tomorrow is to fix that, by putting a rod from about 2 vertebrae up and 3 or 4 below the junction.