Well, it's a year today since my surgery. It's great to be not staring down the barrel of an operation at this time of year, heading into christmas and summer with my family knowing that this year it will be enjoyable. And, I can participate in all the activities!
So, the year could be divided up into physical health, university, family and relationships.
Physical health is the big factor that drove how all the other areas were. Don't underestimate the impact that surgery has on all these areas, because there is a big difference between thinking and believing you are up to something and actually being able to manage it. I had a lot of help up until a few weeks ago with housework and things. I could still probably do with some, but I am now managing. The help was to enable me to get on with some of the university and rehabilitation stuff that I priorotised. I have had periods this year when I have been totally pain free. And other times where I have been pain-full. But, the pain free times have given me hope that I will have longer and longer periods where I am not too sore. The pain that I have had recently has been from doing too much, and taking a student placement job which was on the other side of town. So, 2 hours a day travel on top of a full day 'up' had been quite taxing.
I feel ready to heal in a holistic sense now, I have had a really big year with my physical health as well as my mum having a recurrance of cancer which she is recovering ok from. I feel like all the physical stuff has taken a toll on me emotionally, and that in turn is feeding back into my ability to recover. I had some accupuncture yesterday which was quite helpful.
University has been good, although I am a bit further behind than I would like to be. On the other hand, there are others who haven't had the obstacles I have had this year and are in a similar position to me. So I'm not being too hard on myself. Next year is an internship so I have taken one close to home to enable me to have a better work life balance. So, I picked a good job but one that is really based on my health rather than the actual job itself. The things there that will keep me healthy are that they finish on time every day, and I have my own office where I can lie down for a break if I need to, and also I don't have to travel too far so I can go to the gym on the way to or from work.
Personal life, well I got engaged this year, so that was great! My fiance is an amazing support to me, and he has given me so much of himself this year in helping me to recover. The impact that all this must have had on him is something that I shouldn't forget. He was wonderful when I was recovering, and did things that no boyfriend should have to do!
Friends and family wise, that was where the biggest surprises came from. People who I didn't anticipate supporting me did, and people that I thought would be there for me weren't at all. The biggest hurts came from people who I thought I could rely on not visiting me, not understanding, and not helping. My mother in law gave me loads of support with housework, and she is the person who helped me the most throughout the year. I also made new friends, and decided to put effort into older friends who I could tell were worth the effort.
Overall, I am glad I had the surgery. I didn't expect perfection going in to it, I was happy with a reduction in pain and no more progression. I think I got that, my surgeon discharged me for the first time ever! I grew, physically and probably emotionally. I learned a lot about looking after my own interests a bit more, and not investing time in people who don't value me and instead giving my energy to people who reciprocated when I needed it most. Going into the surgery was one of the scaryest things that I have had to do, and one of those things that you have to do and have a choice, but at the same time you don't. What I would really like now is time to recoup, and recover fully. I'm taking a 3 week holiday on the yacht, cruising around the Bay of Islands, New Zealand... google it and see if I make you envious! I am thrilled to be able to enjoy the NZ summer this year, and not spend it in a lazyboy!
Thanks for listening to my reflections, I hope that I can offer hope to those of you who are going through surgery and recovery. My number one piece of advice is to not be too hard on yourself, priorotise rehabilitation and recovery and the rest of the world (work, studies) can wait. You only get one shot at it (recovery), so make it count.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
More on September
i've been having a good month really for reflecting back on how I used to be, compared to now. On Saturday I went for an 8km walk, and while I was totally wiped out tired afterwards, I was hardly sore! I had some drugs as more of an "i'm uncomfortable let's take something", but the next day I was feeling energetic and back to normal. Monday I went to the gym and had a good workout, Tuesday a 5km walk, Wed 3km, today a personal training session at the gym that wore me out, but I feel good. I'm not sore! I can't believe it. I"m getting so much less pain than even a month ago, which is great cos it means I'm still improving. I'm noticing tiredness this month more than anything, but maybe it's because I"m able to do so much more that I am wearing myself out in positive ways. Either way, I feel positive, and the best I've felt in a long time.
In the spirit of doing more activities, I'm trying to do the Waitakere walks again now that the weather has picked up and sun is shining. For those of you who are not local, the Waitakere's are a hill range that is all bush, and has a lot of nice tracks running through.The hilly country makes for some challenging walks which are great for building fitness.
If I could just have the energy that I feel inside, so that I could do more!
Summer is approaching, which is so exciting because I can participate in it this year, instead of sitting in a lazyboy chair feeling sorry for myself while everyone else was out having fun and forgot about me. Boo Hoo.
In the spirit of doing more activities, I'm trying to do the Waitakere walks again now that the weather has picked up and sun is shining. For those of you who are not local, the Waitakere's are a hill range that is all bush, and has a lot of nice tracks running through.The hilly country makes for some challenging walks which are great for building fitness.
If I could just have the energy that I feel inside, so that I could do more!
Summer is approaching, which is so exciting because I can participate in it this year, instead of sitting in a lazyboy chair feeling sorry for myself while everyone else was out having fun and forgot about me. Boo Hoo.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Nine Months!
Well, it's hard to believe it's the month of my birthday already, and therefore nine months after my surgery. I really feel like it was only just the other week that I had my surgery, even though I have come so far. I guess it's great that time flies, but I also know it has really been a drag.
Where am I at now... well, I'm doing well at the gym, am building muscle and am having a lot less pain I think because of those efforts. I still get pain, but it is nowhere near what it was. I went to Rotorua last weekend and went for a one hour horse trek, nothing more than a meander on horseback, but I loved it. I actually struggled not to cry I was so happy to be back on a horse. I had a spa afterwards just in case, but I was good. The way home in the car was the worst part, because driving all the way back to Auckland on bumpy roads was relentless, and once I got sore it escalated.
At uni I am managing much better, although that seems to have ups and downs because I still am not working full-time, but close to. I have to remember not to be too hard on myself and just do what I can. I had my doctoral confirmation, which is a 25min presentation on my research, and then a discussion with an academic panel afterwards. I passed, and went home and lay on the couch totally worn out, and didn't get up for the next few hours, only to go to bed. I did the same today after driving to Hamilton and back in a day to see a friend. So things like that, do tend to wear me out. It's cool though that I'm getting wiped out by tiredness, and not so much pain.
Today was really fun, Glenis (mother in law) came over and did my garden, it's a job I'd love to get stuck in and do, but can't... She cleared all the weeds out of my vegi patch, while I ordered some more seeds online to replenish the parts that have been pillaged. I am getting really frustrated that I can't do a lot of things that I would like to do, like digging holes in the garden, a full day of tidying, etc... I would love to be a normal 27 year old, but I guess I can settle for being the best I can, cos that's still reasonably intact!
Bryan and I are now getting married, which is so great. You can see on the older blogs just how much he has done for me while I was recovering. We have always had a really strong relationship, but it has brought us even closer and made me even more willing to support him when he needs it, and look out for him.
So all up, 9 months is a good place to be. I am still improving, so that is positive in itself. I hope that I continue to improve and end up super-bionic woman :)
Where am I at now... well, I'm doing well at the gym, am building muscle and am having a lot less pain I think because of those efforts. I still get pain, but it is nowhere near what it was. I went to Rotorua last weekend and went for a one hour horse trek, nothing more than a meander on horseback, but I loved it. I actually struggled not to cry I was so happy to be back on a horse. I had a spa afterwards just in case, but I was good. The way home in the car was the worst part, because driving all the way back to Auckland on bumpy roads was relentless, and once I got sore it escalated.
At uni I am managing much better, although that seems to have ups and downs because I still am not working full-time, but close to. I have to remember not to be too hard on myself and just do what I can. I had my doctoral confirmation, which is a 25min presentation on my research, and then a discussion with an academic panel afterwards. I passed, and went home and lay on the couch totally worn out, and didn't get up for the next few hours, only to go to bed. I did the same today after driving to Hamilton and back in a day to see a friend. So things like that, do tend to wear me out. It's cool though that I'm getting wiped out by tiredness, and not so much pain.
Today was really fun, Glenis (mother in law) came over and did my garden, it's a job I'd love to get stuck in and do, but can't... She cleared all the weeds out of my vegi patch, while I ordered some more seeds online to replenish the parts that have been pillaged. I am getting really frustrated that I can't do a lot of things that I would like to do, like digging holes in the garden, a full day of tidying, etc... I would love to be a normal 27 year old, but I guess I can settle for being the best I can, cos that's still reasonably intact!
Bryan and I are now getting married, which is so great. You can see on the older blogs just how much he has done for me while I was recovering. We have always had a really strong relationship, but it has brought us even closer and made me even more willing to support him when he needs it, and look out for him.
So all up, 9 months is a good place to be. I am still improving, so that is positive in itself. I hope that I continue to improve and end up super-bionic woman :)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Seven Months and counting
After a while away from blogging, I've decided to come back to it in case there are some folks out there reading this. I'm mostly thinking about the scoliosis forum people, as I think most of my friends can see my progress and don't visit the blog. Feel free to leave comments, that might help motivate me to update my blog more often.
I've been to my surgeon for my 6 month check up, and he has almost discharged me. The only reason he didn't was because I was stunned that I wouldn't need to be seeing him on a regular basis like I have since I was a teenager. I guess that is because I had a really bad looking x-ray that was getting worse each time I saw him. Now, I have a good looking x-ray (in perspective with the old ones), and am hoping it stays that way.
I've hired a personal trainer at the gym to help rehabilitate me and keep me motivated to go. I know it's not great to need someone else to keep you motivated, but it really helps get you there if you know you'll look lazy if you haven't been more than a couple of times in a fortnight. It's also great to have someone that sees you at the gym and asks how you are going. I don't like to dwell on things, but it is nice to have it acknowledged that it is hard to exercise when you are in pain, so it's not just about getting my act together to go. The good news is that I don't have many days where the pain is debilitating anymore like before my surgery. When I have a bad day now, I can tolerate the pain (usually).
I still have to modify activity and am nowhere near normal, but am so much closer than I have been for years. I love going out in the evenings now, and it seems like I don't have to come home early like I used to because of pain. Ok, so that is still happening some times, but not as badly or as often as it used to. I haven't been to physio for a long time!
My university work is going ok, I have definitly been set back by my surgery and the associated pain and problems both pre and post op, but I am doing my best. I do feel like I have had a run of bad luck, my mum had a relapse of cancer which was super stressful. But I am determined not to crash and burn, even though the urge to pack up my books and take a job at the supermarket sometimes seems like the easier option.
I am also hugely grateful for the support I have had from some of my friends and family over the last year or so. I realise that some people are better at this than others, for whatever reason, but it has meant the world to me the ones who made the effort. It was very disheartening when I was recovering to not hear from heaps of my friends, so those people I have mostly let fall by the wayside. Life is too short to invest emotional energy into fair weather friends. So I am focusing on the great people in my life, and making sure that I direct my energy and efforts on to them, and don't think about the bad stuff. Life is good, and I have so much to be thankful for.
I've been to my surgeon for my 6 month check up, and he has almost discharged me. The only reason he didn't was because I was stunned that I wouldn't need to be seeing him on a regular basis like I have since I was a teenager. I guess that is because I had a really bad looking x-ray that was getting worse each time I saw him. Now, I have a good looking x-ray (in perspective with the old ones), and am hoping it stays that way.
I've hired a personal trainer at the gym to help rehabilitate me and keep me motivated to go. I know it's not great to need someone else to keep you motivated, but it really helps get you there if you know you'll look lazy if you haven't been more than a couple of times in a fortnight. It's also great to have someone that sees you at the gym and asks how you are going. I don't like to dwell on things, but it is nice to have it acknowledged that it is hard to exercise when you are in pain, so it's not just about getting my act together to go. The good news is that I don't have many days where the pain is debilitating anymore like before my surgery. When I have a bad day now, I can tolerate the pain (usually).
I still have to modify activity and am nowhere near normal, but am so much closer than I have been for years. I love going out in the evenings now, and it seems like I don't have to come home early like I used to because of pain. Ok, so that is still happening some times, but not as badly or as often as it used to. I haven't been to physio for a long time!
My university work is going ok, I have definitly been set back by my surgery and the associated pain and problems both pre and post op, but I am doing my best. I do feel like I have had a run of bad luck, my mum had a relapse of cancer which was super stressful. But I am determined not to crash and burn, even though the urge to pack up my books and take a job at the supermarket sometimes seems like the easier option.
I am also hugely grateful for the support I have had from some of my friends and family over the last year or so. I realise that some people are better at this than others, for whatever reason, but it has meant the world to me the ones who made the effort. It was very disheartening when I was recovering to not hear from heaps of my friends, so those people I have mostly let fall by the wayside. Life is too short to invest emotional energy into fair weather friends. So I am focusing on the great people in my life, and making sure that I direct my energy and efforts on to them, and don't think about the bad stuff. Life is good, and I have so much to be thankful for.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Five Months
Well, actually I'm a week shy of the five month mark. I've been back working on my university studies full-time, or as close to full-time as I was managing before my surgery. I have been able to sit up for nearly a full day, but having said that I'm back in the lazyboy today as I overdid it a few days ago. I've been rushing to complete all the paperwork for ethical approval of my study, so that's meant longer hours up and working. It's now 2 steps back, as I can't do much sitting up as a result of the extended time up working!
I'm able to do a lot more at the gym, I've started doing cardio properly again, when I make it to the gym that is! I'm also doing Pilates on the reformer regularly. I haven't done it for a few days because of the flare-up that I'm experiencing, but other than that it's going really well.
Pain wise, I'm only taking the odd panadol and anti-inflam drug. Gone are the narcotics of pre-surgery! I am still getting pain, and it can be intense, but nothing that I can't handle!
My physio and I were talking about how it was such an unknown going into the surgery, if it would be helpful or not, but how well I've done. She also said that even though I was working really hard to stay on top of pain and keeping my back strong, she could see it was a losing battle as I had gotten worse over the year that I had been seeing her for. So far, I'm a success story but it is still early days, I will find out at my 6 month check up if the surgery has been successful. If the bone hasn't healed, it's another trip to the OR. But I'm not focusing on that, I really feel like it's all going well.
I'm able to do a lot more at the gym, I've started doing cardio properly again, when I make it to the gym that is! I'm also doing Pilates on the reformer regularly. I haven't done it for a few days because of the flare-up that I'm experiencing, but other than that it's going really well.
Pain wise, I'm only taking the odd panadol and anti-inflam drug. Gone are the narcotics of pre-surgery! I am still getting pain, and it can be intense, but nothing that I can't handle!
My physio and I were talking about how it was such an unknown going into the surgery, if it would be helpful or not, but how well I've done. She also said that even though I was working really hard to stay on top of pain and keeping my back strong, she could see it was a losing battle as I had gotten worse over the year that I had been seeing her for. So far, I'm a success story but it is still early days, I will find out at my 6 month check up if the surgery has been successful. If the bone hasn't healed, it's another trip to the OR. But I'm not focusing on that, I really feel like it's all going well.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Three Months
I don't feel much different to the two month mark, but on reflection I am managing more without getting so worn out. I had a bad cold last week which totally wiped me out for nearly a week, so I was frustrated because I couldn't summon the energy to do my rehab.
Today I did the grocery shopping on my own at Pack n Save (for those of you overseas, it's the busyest supermarket) which was a big deal. The trolleys are really big and hard to push and manuver, and the people around get in the way so you have to move around them, stop in a hurry, etc. The checkout was hard getting all the stuff on to the conveyer from the trolley, but the rest was easy. I left a lot of it in the car, and packed it into lots of small boxes so I could carry them. By the time I got home I was quite sore, but not too bad.
I've hardly taken any drugs for months now, the only time I had to take anything serious was a couple of weeks ago when I went to the Lantern Festival and there were big crowds so I was twisting through, and getting pushed about a little bit, plus lots of walking. I had to drive to and fro, and by the time I got home I had to tuck in to the morphine... first time since the very first days that I was home. That was a one off though, and in hindsight a bit dumb. I was just so excited and feeling so good!
The hardest thing is that I am struggling to cope with the day to day things, and do my rehab. I'm priorotising rehab over things like washing, but it is really hard to live in a mess. Bryan is really busy at work trying to recoup the money he lost looking after me all summer, so it's not his fault. It's just quite hard to keep up with stuff, so the standards are not as high as we would like. I get some help, but sometimes when I ask it all seems too much trouble for the helper. Bryan's mum has been really good, she has done more than her fair share of ironing!
I am sitting for longer periods up in the normal chair, so I am starting to get into the books again. Plus, the motivation is coming back at last.
Out of all this experience, I have decided to start up a website for people in NZ with scoliosis, as there is nothing! I don't really know how to start, but I'm sure with my connections I'll get there!
Today I did the grocery shopping on my own at Pack n Save (for those of you overseas, it's the busyest supermarket) which was a big deal. The trolleys are really big and hard to push and manuver, and the people around get in the way so you have to move around them, stop in a hurry, etc. The checkout was hard getting all the stuff on to the conveyer from the trolley, but the rest was easy. I left a lot of it in the car, and packed it into lots of small boxes so I could carry them. By the time I got home I was quite sore, but not too bad.
I've hardly taken any drugs for months now, the only time I had to take anything serious was a couple of weeks ago when I went to the Lantern Festival and there were big crowds so I was twisting through, and getting pushed about a little bit, plus lots of walking. I had to drive to and fro, and by the time I got home I had to tuck in to the morphine... first time since the very first days that I was home. That was a one off though, and in hindsight a bit dumb. I was just so excited and feeling so good!
The hardest thing is that I am struggling to cope with the day to day things, and do my rehab. I'm priorotising rehab over things like washing, but it is really hard to live in a mess. Bryan is really busy at work trying to recoup the money he lost looking after me all summer, so it's not his fault. It's just quite hard to keep up with stuff, so the standards are not as high as we would like. I get some help, but sometimes when I ask it all seems too much trouble for the helper. Bryan's mum has been really good, she has done more than her fair share of ironing!
I am sitting for longer periods up in the normal chair, so I am starting to get into the books again. Plus, the motivation is coming back at last.
Out of all this experience, I have decided to start up a website for people in NZ with scoliosis, as there is nothing! I don't really know how to start, but I'm sure with my connections I'll get there!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Just over two months now
Well, after rocketing through the early stages of recovery, it's been slowing down slightly lately. I guess the long-term bone healing and fine tuning of muscles is slower. I have noticed that if I do too much in the pool, I get quite sore. It's a fine balance between doing nothing, and doing too much. I don't know at the time if I've done too much, but that night I'll be quite sore.
I have been feeling really tired lately, but otherwise good. I haven't been able to get back into uni stuff, but have been trying to. My concentration just isn't there, and Bryan has been noticing that I am doing some dumb stuff... just not thinking, so I guess it's probably for the best that I don't try anything too taxing because I might have to fix it later!
I'm doing 30min walking in the water at the moment, and 6 lengths of the kickboard (which does stir things up a bit). The lifeguard at the pool knows me, and thinks I'm some weird walking frankenstein because he asked what the scar on my back was from! It was nice though to have someone say that it was amazing what I went through, because it was. My surgeon hadn't done a revision before, to this extent. He had no expectations of what kind of correction he would get, rather had just hoped to stop it from getting worse. So I'm really lucky to have the good results that I did.
I have been feeling really tired lately, but otherwise good. I haven't been able to get back into uni stuff, but have been trying to. My concentration just isn't there, and Bryan has been noticing that I am doing some dumb stuff... just not thinking, so I guess it's probably for the best that I don't try anything too taxing because I might have to fix it later!
I'm doing 30min walking in the water at the moment, and 6 lengths of the kickboard (which does stir things up a bit). The lifeguard at the pool knows me, and thinks I'm some weird walking frankenstein because he asked what the scar on my back was from! It was nice though to have someone say that it was amazing what I went through, because it was. My surgeon hadn't done a revision before, to this extent. He had no expectations of what kind of correction he would get, rather had just hoped to stop it from getting worse. So I'm really lucky to have the good results that I did.
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Pre-op 2000
This is before I had any surgery on my back. It's looking at it front on. You can see the base of the spine is where it connects to my pelvis, and then how the top is out of line with the bottom, This made it look like I had one big hip, because my ribcage was off to one side.
Pre-op 2007
Here is how my spine looks now, you can see that the part that has the rods is straight, then at the top the unfused part goes off at a different angle. The surgery tomorrow is to fix that, by putting a rod from about 2 vertebrae up and 3 or 4 below the junction.